King of Fools
by AmazingSoulWeasel
Summary: SPOILER HEAVY - Hawke has many secrets. Dark, bloody secrets. With his relationship with Fenris already on rocky ground and the Templars after his head, he'll do anything to keep those secrets hidden. Takes place post-game. Anders/M!Hawke/Fenris


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the world or the lore in this story. That's all Bioware's.

I also can't guarantee that I'll finish this story, but I just started a new playthrough so hopefully I'll be plenty inspired for this story. There will be lots of spoilers since it begins right after the game ends, so there's your warning.

This story will focus largely on my Hawke, his life in Lothering, his relationship with Fenris and the consequences of him allowing Anders to live. Enjoy. c:

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><p><em>"When I thought that I fought this war alone<em>

_You were there by my side on the frontline_

_And we fought to believe the impossible _

_When I thought that I fought this war alone_

_We were one with our destinies entwined_

_When I thought that I fought without a cause_

_You gave me the reason why."_

War - Poets of the Fall

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><p>Hawke said nothing as the others bustled around him, muttering to each other as they settled down into their camp. It was nestled into one of the smaller branching paths along the wounded Coast and they'd had to... confiscate it from a group of scoundrel-y types before they could move in themselves. Hawke sat on a crate near the campfire Varric had thrown together, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of his mouth.<p>

Beside him on the sand by the crate, equally as silent, sat Anders. He hadn't said anything since they fled Kirkwall and when Hawke glanced at him out of the corner of his eye he saw Anders' head was lowered and his brow furrowed in thought. There was something odd about the way he sat as well, his shoulders hunched up and positioned so that Hawke obscured their companions' view of him.

Hawke didn't think that Anders intended to avoid the inevitable out-pouring of anger that would be coming his way soon - rather he just wished to postpone it a little. Even after everything that had happened; after everything Anders had done, Hawke couldn't find it in himself to deny his friend a few moments to gather his thoughts before Fenris - and it _would_ be Fenris, naturally - found the words to express the anger that prickled across his skin almost visibly.

"Well," Isabela piped up as she paced around the perimeter of the camp, her constant movement giving away her restlessness, "At least we all got out of there alive. That's something to be grateful for, right?"

"All of us, maybe," Carver muttered. "A lot of my... well, a lot of people I trained with died back there." He glanced at Anders, then down at the ground. "I going to guess you're not too broken up over that, mage."

Merrill's head snapped up and she glanced around with wide eyes, before realising it wasn't her who was being accused of something. She looked to Anders as well, then to Hawke. He just shrugged at her before turning to his brother. "Don't start. Please. We're all exhausted so can we just... catch our breath before we start hurling insults at each other?"

"That wasn't an insult." Fenris, who had been standing at the back of the camp in the shadows at the foot of the cliff behind them, stepped forward to stand beside Carver. "It sounded to me more like he was simply making an observation."

Hawke looked from Carver to Fenris and back again, his hands held in front of him, open palms to the sky in a silent plea: '_why are you doing this to me?_' Shaking his head and blinking a few times forcefully to try and clear his thoughts, Hawke dropped his hands to his lap and shrugged. "I don't know why I bother. I'm obviously a useless peacekeeper. I should just sit here and keep my mouth shut. Save my breath, rather than waste it asking either of you to shut up for _five bloody minutes_ so I can _think_."

"What's there to think about?" Aveline asked. She was standing between the path and the camp, on the lookout for any Templars who may have followed them. Even now she was still a guardswoman. She turned to look at him over her shoulder and frowned. "There's no doubt regarding what Anders did and I thought you'd already made up your mind as to what you're going to do with him?"

"There's plenty of doubt!" Hawke snapped, slamming his hands onto the crate either side of his legs and pushing himself to his feet with such force that Isabela's hands twitched towards her blades in her surprise. "_None_ of us were with him in the Chantry that day when he asked me to distract the Grand Cleric-" His voice cracked a little in his desperation to think up some remotely plausible excuse for what Anders had done. "Maybe... maybe it was Justice?" Fenris scoffed. "It's _possible_, Fenris. Justice could have taken over and planted that... that- _whatever_ it was, instead. There's no way to know for sure it was Anders."

Behind him, the sand shifted as Anders moved and Hawke turned to watch the other mage standing up. Anders stepped forward to stand beside him; He didn't look at the others in the camp, just kept his gaze, as intense now as it had been when he'd faced down Meredith in front of the Chantry, fixed on the champion. "There is a way to know," he said. "You could just ask me. Or are you afraid of the answer I'll give?"

Hawke held his stare for only a moment before he dropped it, unable to pretend when Anders was looking at him like that. "I think I'm happier believing in your scapegoat, thanks."

A brief and heavy silence fell over the camp then, and Hawke welcomed it despite the tension that still lingered around them. He looked at Fenris, but his lover simply shook his head - in disappointment or disapproval, or perhaps both - and turned away, returning to his dark corner of the camp.

Running his hand over his face, then scruffing it back through his hair, Hawke turned to Varric. "Hey... can you just- I need to go. Just for a walk or something but-"

"Sure Hawke," Varric said, understanding his friend's fractured request. "Take as long as you need. I'll keep an eye on..." He paused and glanced at Fenris, and then at Anders, "...Things."

"Don't go too far though," Aveline added, concern filtering through her tone. "We don't know if we were followed."

Hawke clapped his hand on her shoulder as he passed her. "I'll be careful..." he said, then after a pause added, "I'm sorry Aveline."

Without waiting for Carver to make some remark, or another argument to break out, Hawke stole away down the path and out of sight of the camp. He was tempted to just keep walking; the rhythmic beat of his footsteps on the sand and rock was oddly soothing, but in deference to Aveline's wishes he stopped at the bottom of the bank, looking out over the water. A number of wrecked ships still rocked gently in the water at the bottom of the cliffs, creaking with each slight movement. Hawke wondered if any of them had once belonged to Isabela.

A few minutes had passed, maybe more, before Hawke heard someone approaching. The footsteps where too heavy to belong to Fenris or Merrill, and when they struck rock the metallic clink ruled out Anders, Varric and Isabela. Aveline's sense of duty wouldn't allow her to leave her post just to check on him, so that only left-

"I'll never understand you, brother," Carver said as he stepped into line at Hawke's side. Hawke glanced at him, but Carver's eyes were focused on the horizon. "Varric told me what happened before you came to the Gallows. About how you refused to kill that mage. He's an abomination - that alone is bad enough, but he destroyed the _entire_ Chantry." He turned to meet Hawke's stare. "What would he have to do before you'd take action against him?"

Hawke folded his arms and set his jaw, glowering at Carver despite his best efforts to keep his expression measured. "Killing him wouldn't have been justice for what he did. Anders isn't a monster. I know he regrets that it had to be this way, and... I think the pain he feels over what he had to do is a better punishment than a knife to the heart."

"Are you sure he regrets it?"

"I am."

"You'd better be right."

They both fell silent for a pause, before Hawke tentatively placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, seeking something - understanding perhaps. It wasn't something that was often shared between the brothers but right then Hawke needed it more than anything.

"I couldn't kill him," he said, catching Carver's frown before he had to look away guiltily. "Carver... I couldn't do it. I knew I should, and I knew it was what Anders wanted but I _couldn't_. He- I- We've just... always been able to rely on each other. Before him... after Bethany died I felt isolated. And then he was there and just having someone to- to _complain_ to about how my legs go numb and I trip over my own feet after using a lightening spell, and for him to _understand_ what I was talking about- I know it seems like a stupid thing, but it meant so much to me. I told him everything, Carver. I told him about Bethany and father and..." Hawke's hand slipped off of his brother's shoulder and he folded his arms, a suddenly defensive stance. "I thought he told me everything too."

"Did you tell him about-" Carver started, but a harsh glare from Hawke silenced him and answered his question in one go. "So you didn't tell him everything."

"I told him everything that was relevant to my life at the time. _That_ hasn't been relevant since long before we left Lothering and you know it. Anders blew up the Chantry five hours ago and he's been planning it for months- maybe longer. He should have told me." He swayed back away from the edge of the cliff and paced around the small area at the bottom of the bank, looking up the path that led to their camp.

"Would it have made a difference if he had?" Carver asked.

Hawke mulled the question over for a short while, uncertain of the answer. "I don't know..." he said slowly, his gaze fixed on an unfocused point in the distance, "I just... he betrayed me, but more than that, he broke-" Cutting off there, Hawke's entire body seemed to sag in defeat.

Carver moved away from the edge of the cliff as well, and approached his brother, standing in front of him to catch his attention. "He broke what?"

"My trust. He broke my trust," Hawke replied. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut, before turning on his heel and starting a slow walk back up to the camp. "Come on, let's go back before Aveline has due cause to yell at us."

ooo

When they arrived back at the camp, Hawke ignored everyone and made a beeline for Fenris. The elf was sitting in the area he'd been standing in before, but had moved some of the sacks and boxes that were around him to form a little wall of sorts between himself and the others, with only a small gap in the middle for him to pass through. Being as low as it was, it didn't obscure him from sight, so Hawke assumed it was more of a symbolic thing. Perhaps it just made Fenris feel better.

Either way, he stopped in front of it, respecting the obvious message it was conveying and peered at Fenris uncertainly. Fenris stared back at him and Hawke's resolve wavered at the anger he saw in his eyes. Backing up a little, Hawke started to turn, looking for somewhere else to settle for the night, but his attention snagged at the sound of Fenris' sigh. Looking back, he watched as Fenris shifted over to make room in his nest of sorts for Hawke, and after a moment of hesitation, he moved to join him.

"We should talk about what we're going to do now," Aveline said as Hawke settled down beside Fenris. He tentatively took hold of Fenris' left hand with his right, their gauntlets clinking together. The sound caught Anders' attention but he looked away just as quickly. "We can't stay here. It's too open and too close to the city-"

"You can't stay here at all, Aveline," Hawke interrupted. She stopped, startled, and Hawke continued. "Donnic and the guardsmen will need you after everything that's happened. The city is falling to pieces. Your duty is to them, not to us."

Aveline shook her head firmly. "I spent the last six years training them, they can look after themselves."

"So can I," Hawke pointed out.

"Sometimes I wonder about that." Aveline folded her arms and tilted her head back, looking up at the sky as she thought. After a moment, she looked back to Hawke. "Perhaps you're right, but I'm not going anywhere until I know where I'll be able to find you. If I'm going to return to the city then I should at least keep you updated on what happens there."

Merrill coughed quietly into her hand to get Hawke's attention. "We... we could go to Sundermount?" she said, wringing her hands. "I'm not especially excited to go back there again, but there are a lot of caves around that area and I know them all like the back of my hand. There are lots of hiding places, so if the Templars came looking we'd have no trouble losing them. At least for a little while, I suppose."

"I can't say living half way up a mountain that has some serious issues with the undead appeals to me, but Daisy makes a good point," Varric chipped in. He was lounging by the fire with Bianca resting in his lap. As comfortable as he seemed there, Hawke could tell he was prepared for a sudden assault. "Our best bet right now is to disappear. The Templars are going to be all over the Free Marches trying to find you and Blondie, so we can't go to another city until this dies down."

"It's a pity I still don't have a new ship," Isabela said with a wistful sigh. "They'd have a hell of a job catching us on the ocean."

Carver perched on a rock near Fenris' little nest-fort and glanced at his brother. His eyes lingered curiously on Hawke and Fenris' intertwined hands but flickered back to his brother's face quickly enough. "I don't suppose we could go back to Fereldan?"

"That might be a good idea later," Hawke said, "But not just now. We won't be able to find a port in the Free Marches that isn't under Templar watch for at least a month, so unless you plan to swim..." He curled his free hand into a fist and pressed his mouth against it thoughtfully. "I think Merrill's idea is viable. It's close enough to Kirkwall that Aveline will be able to send us news about Templar activity and if what Merrill says is true, we should be able to stay hidden up there for at least a couple of weeks, if not more."

Fenris' grip on his hand tightened and Hawke glanced at him, startled. "So we're going to trust a blood mage to keep us safe from the Templars that are hunting your pet abomination? Do you not see how ridiculous this is?"

"Well, what do you suggest?" Varric asked.

"We should split up," Fenris replied, shrugging. "We're all well known due to our connections to Hawke. It'll be harder for us to go unnoticed if we're in a large group. I have... experience in evading capture. Hawke and I alone would stand a far greater chance than he would with any or all of you."

In his corner, Anders scoffed quietly, earning a venomously hateful look from Fenris.

"Oh, I don't know if I like the sound of that," Merrill said, her brows knitting together with worry. "What if you get into trouble? We wouldn't be able to help you if you were all alone."

Isabela placed a hand on her hip and ran the thumb of the other along her lower lip. "He still makes a fair point. None of us are easily forgotten, after all. In a group we'll be obvious."

"But we should still stay together!" Merrill insisted.

Hawke held up a hand to silence her. "Alright... Merrill, how large is the cave system in Sundermount?"

Merrill hesitated, then looked down at her knees, her fingers twitching in her lap as she silently counted all the caves she knew of. After a few seconds of this she looked up at Hawke again. "It's very big. I can think of about... seven large caves and nine little ones. There's probably more that I never had a chance to find."

"Then we'll split up into two or three groups and we'll stay in separate caves, perhaps moving to new ones every few days or so. We'll stay close enough that we can get to each other for help, but far enough apart that if one group is discovered, the others should have a chance to escape." He turned to Fenris. "Is that alright with you?"

The pause told Hawke it clearly wasn't what Fenris had been hoping for, but after a drawn out sigh, he nodded. "It'll do."

"That's what you'll do then," Aveline said, nodding in approval. "Good. I might be able to send... weekly updates, with that distance."

Hawke let go of Fenris' hand and slipped his arm around the elf's waist instead, leaning against him tiredly. "I'm sure that'll be fine. We'll leave first thing in the morning. For now though, I think we all need some rest."

"I'll take the first watch then," Aveline replied, moving back to her post. "I'll wake Carver up in four hours."

At that everyone moved to get settled in, Carver doing so while grumbling under his breath about why it had to be him who got the second watch. Hawke smiled at it faintly, but as he settled down with Fenris to sleep, he glanced at Anders and their eyes locked. It was only a brief moment before they both looked away, but Hawke's smile melted regardless and as he gathered Fenris close, burying his face in his partner's white hair, his thoughts were flooded with the image of the Chantry crumbling.


End file.
